Go back a long time ago when Jesus was still in the tomb. Imagine you are one of the disciples sitting in the upper room. You are grieving the loss of Jesus and all you want to do it be around other individuals that are doing the same. You know you can't work today because that is breaking the sabbath so you are lounging around, crying, talking, laughing.
You tell stories of the first time you meet Jesus. Some thought he was some "hippie" teacher. Then they started listening to what he was saying. Oh the power of this words! He seemed to know exactly what was going on in your mind. How did he do that? You would look into his eyes and this overwhelming sense of love flooded over you. You think, I will never experience that again.
The tears start to pool in your eyes as another person speaks up and tells how Jesus provided money for the temple tax by making it appear in a fish. Your tears turn to laughter as you remember this incident. You remember him playing with the children and marvel at the gentleness of this single man.
Oh, the hope that you had place in him. Now that object of your hope is dead in a tomb. The tears flow freely now as you think about how you were too scared to follow when they took him from the tomb. Maybe you weren't even there but the story has been told over and over again because you can't actually believe that He is dead. John has told and retold the horror of the cross. Every time struggling to get through the telling. The Marys simply sit in the corner crying. You still can't believe that he is dead. What about all the things He has promised to do? Were you wrong in hoping for the coming kingdom that He has promised? Were you wrong to believe that He could actually bring you peace with God? These questions and many more seem to float about in your head creating a whirlwind of emotions. You can't deal with them so you push them aside. Forget about the future, you tell yourself. What future is there when Jesus is not a part of it?
Your cry yourself to sleep and wake up realizing it has only been a couple of hours. Still Saturday. Will this day ever end? Will hope and light ever return to the world?
Praise God we know the end of the story! Sunday morning they find the tomb empty! Jesus is alive! They still don't understand what the future holds. They still have a lot of questions but they pale in comparison of the fact that He Is Risen!
Sit in their shoes for a bit. Think of the desperation, hopelessness, despair they are struggling with. How 24 hours makes all the difference in the world!
Psalm 30:11-12
You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.
Lord my God, I will praise you forever.
Thank you Jesus for the cross and the empty tomb.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Answered prayers and steps of faith
Sunday was invigorating, exhausting, overwhelming and melancholy. Today I see a culmination of all of those prayers and struggles with a very specific answer to prayer. (Sorry for being obtuse in the story telling, I don't want to give away who I am talking about)
To set the stage, I sang Sunday morning and as I am walking out after the music set I see an individual that is involved in a ministry I am also involved in crying. I stop to see what is wrong, take her from the sanctuary to the conference room and proceed to have a great time of prayer asking God to do some pretty big things. I had confidence that He could and would answer our prayers. I leave and get ready to go when the other person we were wrestling in prayer for is seen by me and another mutual ministry partner and I felt that intervention was needed. (This is not my natural response!) I go and grab the first lady out of the sanctuary and we have over an hour long "counseling" session between the two of them. I had NO idea what I was doing and was completely out of my comfort zone. I leave this session knowing I was way out of my depth and lacking training for dealing with these types of interpersonal counseling skills. I'll admit it, my faith that God would intervene to do big things was shaken. I should have known, when I am weak He is strong!
I get a call tonight that one of the very thing we were asking for during our time of prayer was answered! I hadn't heard anything since Sunday night so was getting a little down. Yet God (I love those words!)... Yet God, was not being silent but was actively moving! God answers prayers in powerful ways because He is a powerful God.
Even tonight, God is so gracious even when He is convicting me of my lack of faith! In the above situation but also I finally started the application process for the class I am taking this fall. Huge step of faith for me.
This class put on by the Simeon Trust will teach me how to teach every type of literature in the Bible, even prophecy. Yes, the thing I said I would never touch with a 10 foot pole. I am stepping out in faith but wondering where these steps are taking me. Is this just a nice little scenic detour or a different path for my future? I honestly have no idea! That is scary. l like to have things planned out. Of course I am sure the Lord laughs at my plans. I mean when have my plans ever worked out the way I thought they would? Answer: never.
So I am now walking down a path I don't know where it leads, reminded that I can pray big prayers because I serve a Big God and convicted that I lack faith. Well, God, I guess you have me right where you want me :) I believe, please help my unbelief.
To set the stage, I sang Sunday morning and as I am walking out after the music set I see an individual that is involved in a ministry I am also involved in crying. I stop to see what is wrong, take her from the sanctuary to the conference room and proceed to have a great time of prayer asking God to do some pretty big things. I had confidence that He could and would answer our prayers. I leave and get ready to go when the other person we were wrestling in prayer for is seen by me and another mutual ministry partner and I felt that intervention was needed. (This is not my natural response!) I go and grab the first lady out of the sanctuary and we have over an hour long "counseling" session between the two of them. I had NO idea what I was doing and was completely out of my comfort zone. I leave this session knowing I was way out of my depth and lacking training for dealing with these types of interpersonal counseling skills. I'll admit it, my faith that God would intervene to do big things was shaken. I should have known, when I am weak He is strong!
I get a call tonight that one of the very thing we were asking for during our time of prayer was answered! I hadn't heard anything since Sunday night so was getting a little down. Yet God (I love those words!)... Yet God, was not being silent but was actively moving! God answers prayers in powerful ways because He is a powerful God.
Even tonight, God is so gracious even when He is convicting me of my lack of faith! In the above situation but also I finally started the application process for the class I am taking this fall. Huge step of faith for me.
This class put on by the Simeon Trust will teach me how to teach every type of literature in the Bible, even prophecy. Yes, the thing I said I would never touch with a 10 foot pole. I am stepping out in faith but wondering where these steps are taking me. Is this just a nice little scenic detour or a different path for my future? I honestly have no idea! That is scary. l like to have things planned out. Of course I am sure the Lord laughs at my plans. I mean when have my plans ever worked out the way I thought they would? Answer: never.
So I am now walking down a path I don't know where it leads, reminded that I can pray big prayers because I serve a Big God and convicted that I lack faith. Well, God, I guess you have me right where you want me :) I believe, please help my unbelief.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Gratefulness List
Thursday I took a day off work to have a retreat day. Early that morning I received a text from a friend that said something along the lines of those that remember the blessings they have have a better life. (sorry really bad paraphrase). But she recommended creating a gratefulness journal. Since I was on my way to a coffee shop to meet a friend I decided to start naming all the things I am thankful for. Here are just a few things I wrote down:
- Family
- Friends - near and far (I have friends on almost every continent I could go visit)
- Mug N a Muffin
- Leadership at Grace (especially after today!)
- Good conversations with friends
- A cool day by the lake (which is where I was writing this)
- The word of God, living and active
- My Faith Family - brothers and sisters in Christ
- The "crazy aunts" and "weird uncles" I have at Grace
- Friends that love me enough to speak truth into my life
- God uses unlikely leaders to do great things for His name (Judges)
- His mercies are new every morning
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Sitting in silence
I find myself sitting here at home in silence. It is not a comfortable place for me to be. I am more comfortable with music playing, the TV going or the sound of people talking in my house. I like to do things, to keep busy. And yet, lately I feel the silence pulling me.
Silence is scary because it means I am alone with my thoughts and lately I have not been very good company for myself.
I am not depressed but there is a melancholy that is hovering around the edges of my days. Most of the problem is my days are just too full of things right now. When they aren't full I numb myself through things like computer games and TV shows. All because I don't want to think and be alone with my thoughts...
You might wonder why. Honestly, I do to. Why do I run from the silence? In those quite moments when I allow the quiet to break through my busy schedule, I am... I think the word is lost.
When I am busy and running around like a chicken with my head cut off at least I feel like I am making a difference. Alone I ponder what difference and I really making in the great scheme of things.
I am so tired right now. Between Farrell's, work and ministry I am burning the candle at all ends. I am tried physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
So the silence is calling me to ask: why am I doing all of this? I am finding that right now only in the silence can I calm everything down enough to hear the voice of my Lord. Only in the quite can I wrestle with the questions that plague me about my purpose and identity.
So, tonight I will embrace the silence and fall in the arms of my Savior. He will hold me and as I gaze upon His face He will define me. He will let me know that no matter the fear that silence may hold I am never alone within it. In fact those times of silence when I am confused and feel alone are when I can hear His voice most clearly.
So speak, Lord Jesus, as all I hear is the ticking of the clock. Your voice I will seek out and hang on Your every word.
Silence is scary because it means I am alone with my thoughts and lately I have not been very good company for myself.
I am not depressed but there is a melancholy that is hovering around the edges of my days. Most of the problem is my days are just too full of things right now. When they aren't full I numb myself through things like computer games and TV shows. All because I don't want to think and be alone with my thoughts...
You might wonder why. Honestly, I do to. Why do I run from the silence? In those quite moments when I allow the quiet to break through my busy schedule, I am... I think the word is lost.
When I am busy and running around like a chicken with my head cut off at least I feel like I am making a difference. Alone I ponder what difference and I really making in the great scheme of things.
I am so tired right now. Between Farrell's, work and ministry I am burning the candle at all ends. I am tried physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
So the silence is calling me to ask: why am I doing all of this? I am finding that right now only in the silence can I calm everything down enough to hear the voice of my Lord. Only in the quite can I wrestle with the questions that plague me about my purpose and identity.
So, tonight I will embrace the silence and fall in the arms of my Savior. He will hold me and as I gaze upon His face He will define me. He will let me know that no matter the fear that silence may hold I am never alone within it. In fact those times of silence when I am confused and feel alone are when I can hear His voice most clearly.
So speak, Lord Jesus, as all I hear is the ticking of the clock. Your voice I will seek out and hang on Your every word.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Fear and change...
It has been a while...
Well a lot of things have happened since I last wrote. My roommate Kara just moved to San Diego. My other roommate Jenni just got engaged. Das was just in the hospital for an unexpected hip replacement.
You could say that life is moving at a very fast pace lately. However I feel like it is happening all around me and I am standing still. I was telling some of the Mug n a Muffin ladies that I feel like a boulder in a stream. Everything is going on around me and all I am doing is getting hit by their changing life. I wanted an adventure. They were having ones, so why couldn't I?
I didn't know what that adventure needed to be. (honestly I still don't) But while I am waiting my little mini adventure is ia am going to get back in shape. Scary!
I have signed up for Farrels extreme body shaping and I am scared.
First I am scared that I will get hurt. A totally legitimate fear I think. I mean three summers in a row on crutches will make anyone nervous. However the second one I know is complete malarkey. However, it is a fear I have. You see I have an issue with perfectionism (yes, I know that might be hard to believe, lol). But if I can't do something well I am afraid to do it at all. What happens if I fail? I know there isn't anything to fail at, and yet it is a fear I have none the less.
I don't want to be enslaved to fear. But if I let it keep me from doing something, that is exactly the hold it has over me.
So I claim the promise that the Lord has not given me a spirit of fear 2 Timothy 1:7. I am a slave to nothing but Christ alone. I willingly put myself under His rule and authority. If He wants this to happen I will obey. He has my best interest at heart and he will be with me, no matter the fear.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
changes...
Today was a beautiful day. I had the windows open and let the breeze blow through the house. There is a change in the air. Spring has finally arrived.
This time of year also brings about other changes. A dear friend will be leaving the area to move to San Diego at the end of the month. Today after Mug N'a Muffin we had a "Celebrate Tomomi" party. It was a wonderful time of encouragement and fellowship. We grilled out and had some amazing food. Then took some time to brag on her in front of everyone. I don't believe that is was something that had ever happened to her before. She thinks too little of herself. So the opportunity to compliment her and let her know now much we have seen her grow in the past couple of years was, hopefully, encouraging. We were also able to add in some challenges when she moves. "Don't become a hermit." "Let people get to know you."
It got me thinking. Why are we so scared of people knowing the real us. I don't mean the happy smiling faces they see on Sunday mornings or Monday morning at work (after they have had their coffee). What are we afraid people will see?
Tomomi didn't want to get hurt so she holds herself away from people. It was about self preservation. Don't get too close because they will let you down or they will leave. I can understand where she is coming from. Especially living in such a transient community. New people coming in every year. They get their degree then go out into the "real world". My real world is here. If I don't grasp at the opportunities to make friends, if even for a short time, I won't have any around. IT makes it hard.
However, during our time of prayer over Tomomi the Lord really drove home with me that one day there won't be any goodbyes. Even if I don't see her again after she leaves later this month I will be able to rejoice with her in heaven. She is going to be dearly missed here in Iowa, but I am very excited to see what she does in San Diego.
Which leads me to the fact that one of my best friends is moving back to the area from Kansas City. YEAH! I helped them move into their temp apartment today. I am so excited for Missy and Joe to be back. I even get to FINALLY meet their boys. (About time!) But there is a change there to. When I first knew Missy she was a single gal that was serving the Lord at Grace and we would spend nights together just hanging out talking life. Now she has Joe and the boys with one more on the way. The way that I used to hang out with her has to change. (I am just totally excited to be able to hang out with her!) It will be awesome to get to know her again but it will be different and I need to keep reminding myself that.
Change is the ever constant. Nothing remains the same. Even though You are the same yesterday, today and forever, my understanding of You changes. The closer I grow to You the more I see how desperate I am for You. I see my sin and the way it pushes me from you. I want to change. I want the image of Your Son. I know it will be difficult and unpleasant at times when I am being refined by Your fire. But I want to change. I don't want to remain the same. I don't want my insecurities to push me from you. I want to truly believe You are able to meet my every need. Not just in knowing the words on an intellectual level, but experientially as well. I can not change on my own. Only You can change me. So Lord, teach me to be moldable clay in Your hands and renew my passoin for You and Your word.
This time of year also brings about other changes. A dear friend will be leaving the area to move to San Diego at the end of the month. Today after Mug N'a Muffin we had a "Celebrate Tomomi" party. It was a wonderful time of encouragement and fellowship. We grilled out and had some amazing food. Then took some time to brag on her in front of everyone. I don't believe that is was something that had ever happened to her before. She thinks too little of herself. So the opportunity to compliment her and let her know now much we have seen her grow in the past couple of years was, hopefully, encouraging. We were also able to add in some challenges when she moves. "Don't become a hermit." "Let people get to know you."
It got me thinking. Why are we so scared of people knowing the real us. I don't mean the happy smiling faces they see on Sunday mornings or Monday morning at work (after they have had their coffee). What are we afraid people will see?
Tomomi didn't want to get hurt so she holds herself away from people. It was about self preservation. Don't get too close because they will let you down or they will leave. I can understand where she is coming from. Especially living in such a transient community. New people coming in every year. They get their degree then go out into the "real world". My real world is here. If I don't grasp at the opportunities to make friends, if even for a short time, I won't have any around. IT makes it hard.
However, during our time of prayer over Tomomi the Lord really drove home with me that one day there won't be any goodbyes. Even if I don't see her again after she leaves later this month I will be able to rejoice with her in heaven. She is going to be dearly missed here in Iowa, but I am very excited to see what she does in San Diego.
Which leads me to the fact that one of my best friends is moving back to the area from Kansas City. YEAH! I helped them move into their temp apartment today. I am so excited for Missy and Joe to be back. I even get to FINALLY meet their boys. (About time!) But there is a change there to. When I first knew Missy she was a single gal that was serving the Lord at Grace and we would spend nights together just hanging out talking life. Now she has Joe and the boys with one more on the way. The way that I used to hang out with her has to change. (I am just totally excited to be able to hang out with her!) It will be awesome to get to know her again but it will be different and I need to keep reminding myself that.
Change is the ever constant. Nothing remains the same. Even though You are the same yesterday, today and forever, my understanding of You changes. The closer I grow to You the more I see how desperate I am for You. I see my sin and the way it pushes me from you. I want to change. I want the image of Your Son. I know it will be difficult and unpleasant at times when I am being refined by Your fire. But I want to change. I don't want to remain the same. I don't want my insecurities to push me from you. I want to truly believe You are able to meet my every need. Not just in knowing the words on an intellectual level, but experientially as well. I can not change on my own. Only You can change me. So Lord, teach me to be moldable clay in Your hands and renew my passoin for You and Your word.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
They say...
They say that people are always promoted to the level of their incompetence. Whoever "they" are. So maybe I should say "it is said". Oh well.
Today was one of the days for me. I don't think I could have come up with the right answer if it came up and introduced itself. It is a very frustrating place to be. I think God is still trying to show me that work is an idol. Even though I have named it and identified it, I still seem to find myself worshiping it. A couple of weeks ago everything was "fine". I felt sure of my job. I "knew what I was doing". I understood the project. Today, if I touched it, something was wrong. Most of the time it wasn't my fault, but it is my place to fix it. And I had to keep reminding myself it is just data. The problem is that on the other end of that data is a person with hopes and dreams. They look to us to give them back their sight. My problem is I have been so caught up in fixing their sight, that I have forgotten that those I work with are blind, spiritually.
I have been placed in the lab for an express purpose. To bring God glory in all that I do. My attitude, my work ethic, everything, needs to show that I am a slave to Christ. Lately I would give my self a sub-par grade. I have been working hard, but my heart has not been in it. I have been perfectly content to sit at my desk and not have any interaction with anyone/anything except my computer. I say I don't like it (I really don't) but I don't go out of my way to get into the lab and talk to people. When I am in the lab I don't talk to anyone. I am trying to be a "good example" with my work ethic, but I am forgetting that I am on mission for a higher authority than my boss. I need to shift my focus. I need to remember that I am being paid by HHMI to be a missionary to the other people in the lab. I need to get into their lives. I need to get to know what they need and how they need to be ministered to. But I can't do it on my own strength. I can only do that by relying on Christ to be the source and living to please Him. I have not been doing a good time being plugged into that source. I have been "self sufficient." (That is just another word for being proud.) Pride is the root is so many of my sins...
Lord, forgive me of my "self sufficiency" and teach me to rely on Christ. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of the work you are doing. Open my eyes to see those you have placed around me as You see them. I need Your strength to step out in faith and take big risks for Your name and not my own.
Today was one of the days for me. I don't think I could have come up with the right answer if it came up and introduced itself. It is a very frustrating place to be. I think God is still trying to show me that work is an idol. Even though I have named it and identified it, I still seem to find myself worshiping it. A couple of weeks ago everything was "fine". I felt sure of my job. I "knew what I was doing". I understood the project. Today, if I touched it, something was wrong. Most of the time it wasn't my fault, but it is my place to fix it. And I had to keep reminding myself it is just data. The problem is that on the other end of that data is a person with hopes and dreams. They look to us to give them back their sight. My problem is I have been so caught up in fixing their sight, that I have forgotten that those I work with are blind, spiritually.
I have been placed in the lab for an express purpose. To bring God glory in all that I do. My attitude, my work ethic, everything, needs to show that I am a slave to Christ. Lately I would give my self a sub-par grade. I have been working hard, but my heart has not been in it. I have been perfectly content to sit at my desk and not have any interaction with anyone/anything except my computer. I say I don't like it (I really don't) but I don't go out of my way to get into the lab and talk to people. When I am in the lab I don't talk to anyone. I am trying to be a "good example" with my work ethic, but I am forgetting that I am on mission for a higher authority than my boss. I need to shift my focus. I need to remember that I am being paid by HHMI to be a missionary to the other people in the lab. I need to get into their lives. I need to get to know what they need and how they need to be ministered to. But I can't do it on my own strength. I can only do that by relying on Christ to be the source and living to please Him. I have not been doing a good time being plugged into that source. I have been "self sufficient." (That is just another word for being proud.) Pride is the root is so many of my sins...
Lord, forgive me of my "self sufficiency" and teach me to rely on Christ. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of the work you are doing. Open my eyes to see those you have placed around me as You see them. I need Your strength to step out in faith and take big risks for Your name and not my own.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Love letter
We are having an "anti-valentines" day party here tomorrow. I have not really had anything to do with planning it. Everyone is getting excited. We are going to have foods you should never have on a first day like bbq and things with a lot of garlic and onions. We might watch a movie (chick flicks totally not allowed). Some are going to dress up in costumes. I think I will just be in really baggy sweatpants and a hoodie. It will be a lot of fun.
However, I am trying to write a love letter from Jesus to give to these ladies. We are all currently single and some are a little bitter about that. I want to relay the joy and hope that I have in Jesus. I have to admit I am having some problems putting it into words. Perhaps I am not exactly sure what is supposed to go in a love letter. ;) Perhaps it is because I don't want it to read just like a lot of bible verses stuck together, but with a lot of biblical truths included. I don't know but here it is:
To my beautiful girl,
You have grown to be a splendid woman of excellence and my eyes fill when I see the virtues in your heart. Your eyes: don’t change them. Your lips: how lovely when they part in prayer. Your nose: so perfect in form. Your hands: so gentle to touch. I’ve caressed your face in your deepest sleep. I’ve held your heart close to mine. How beautiful you are my darling. Oh, how beautiful. I am enthralled with your beauty. You shape is beautiful because I knit you together and I don’t make mistakes. You are so precious to me that I have lovingly counted every hair on your head. I know the measure of your days and have great plans for you.
Any pain you have known I have walked with you through. Your loneliness: I have experienced it. Your shame: I have covered it. Your shattered dreams: I will redeem them. Your future: I hold in my hands. It may not be what you have planned, but my gifts are perfect and just what you need at the right time.
You are mine. I have bought you with the most costly thing that I have, my blood. Because of that you are my bride, clothed in white. I promise my devotion and grace. Nothing and no one can snatch you out of my hand. I love you with an unfailing love. I will never leave you and never forsake you.
I long to spend time with you. To hear your heart and have you hear mine. I long for you to rest in my arms. Do not let sin push us apart. I scan the horizon looking for you return. When will you turn back to me, my beautiful one? Remember how I rejoiced over you when we were first together? Remember your first love and return to me with your whole heart.
Patiently waiting.
Your heavenly husband,
Jesus
I am going to put it on a piece of construction paper and give it to each girl. I hope they like it.
Jesus, I pray that this is an accurate picture of what you are trying to tell us. I know you love us and I want these ladies to know that as well... If anything is miss-worded please redeem my failings. Thank you and I love you.
However, I am trying to write a love letter from Jesus to give to these ladies. We are all currently single and some are a little bitter about that. I want to relay the joy and hope that I have in Jesus. I have to admit I am having some problems putting it into words. Perhaps I am not exactly sure what is supposed to go in a love letter. ;) Perhaps it is because I don't want it to read just like a lot of bible verses stuck together, but with a lot of biblical truths included. I don't know but here it is:
To my beautiful girl,
You have grown to be a splendid woman of excellence and my eyes fill when I see the virtues in your heart. Your eyes: don’t change them. Your lips: how lovely when they part in prayer. Your nose: so perfect in form. Your hands: so gentle to touch. I’ve caressed your face in your deepest sleep. I’ve held your heart close to mine. How beautiful you are my darling. Oh, how beautiful. I am enthralled with your beauty. You shape is beautiful because I knit you together and I don’t make mistakes. You are so precious to me that I have lovingly counted every hair on your head. I know the measure of your days and have great plans for you.
Any pain you have known I have walked with you through. Your loneliness: I have experienced it. Your shame: I have covered it. Your shattered dreams: I will redeem them. Your future: I hold in my hands. It may not be what you have planned, but my gifts are perfect and just what you need at the right time.
You are mine. I have bought you with the most costly thing that I have, my blood. Because of that you are my bride, clothed in white. I promise my devotion and grace. Nothing and no one can snatch you out of my hand. I love you with an unfailing love. I will never leave you and never forsake you.
I long to spend time with you. To hear your heart and have you hear mine. I long for you to rest in my arms. Do not let sin push us apart. I scan the horizon looking for you return. When will you turn back to me, my beautiful one? Remember how I rejoiced over you when we were first together? Remember your first love and return to me with your whole heart.
Patiently waiting.
Your heavenly husband,
Jesus
I am going to put it on a piece of construction paper and give it to each girl. I hope they like it.
Jesus, I pray that this is an accurate picture of what you are trying to tell us. I know you love us and I want these ladies to know that as well... If anything is miss-worded please redeem my failings. Thank you and I love you.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
More Idols
Sunday Brooks said that we can identify our idols when people get in the way of them and we long to fight.
Today was a rough day. It is never easy to make an executive decision. It is even harder when you are in the process of explaining why you made that decision and one of the people's body language is practically yelling at you that they don't agree. Then to find out that you have been the topic of gossip through out the day all because of it... One more idol is graciously pointed out to me by the Lord.
I care way to much about what people think of me. I desire to be viewed as competent, self assured and most of all I want people to like me, think I am cool. Not that I am sure I have ever been cool. :)
So the question becomes how will I allow God to use this to make me into Christ's image? He was despised and rejected by men, even though he was their Creator. Yeah, you could say He was competent, with a capital C. How could He not be self assured? He was doing His Father's will. But people didn't like Him. He pointed out their flaws. He challenged their point of view. He was Holy and they were not. Now I am not saying that any of those things apply to me! I am saying, why do I think that I am any better than Jesus. He experienced hurt feelings, great grief, loneliness and was mocked. Why do I think that I will get through this life without experiencing the same things?
Whether the decision I made today was right or wrong. It doesn't matter. What matters is how will I react to being gossiped about and ridiculed. Will I whine and complain, or will I turn to Jesus and tell Him, "Thank you that you experience the same thing (to a worse degree) and yet did not sin." I choose the latter.
Thank You, Jesus. You have used this to show me that one more idol I have is how people view me. Thank You that I know how you view me. I am Yours and nothing in this world can snatch me from your hand. In You there is freedom and grace that covers all my feelings. You know my heart and You are much bigger than my circumstances. You are the only one worthy of sitting on the throne of my life. Move everything and everyone else aside and take your rightful place. I love you...
Today was a rough day. It is never easy to make an executive decision. It is even harder when you are in the process of explaining why you made that decision and one of the people's body language is practically yelling at you that they don't agree. Then to find out that you have been the topic of gossip through out the day all because of it... One more idol is graciously pointed out to me by the Lord.
I care way to much about what people think of me. I desire to be viewed as competent, self assured and most of all I want people to like me, think I am cool. Not that I am sure I have ever been cool. :)
So the question becomes how will I allow God to use this to make me into Christ's image? He was despised and rejected by men, even though he was their Creator. Yeah, you could say He was competent, with a capital C. How could He not be self assured? He was doing His Father's will. But people didn't like Him. He pointed out their flaws. He challenged their point of view. He was Holy and they were not. Now I am not saying that any of those things apply to me! I am saying, why do I think that I am any better than Jesus. He experienced hurt feelings, great grief, loneliness and was mocked. Why do I think that I will get through this life without experiencing the same things?
Whether the decision I made today was right or wrong. It doesn't matter. What matters is how will I react to being gossiped about and ridiculed. Will I whine and complain, or will I turn to Jesus and tell Him, "Thank you that you experience the same thing (to a worse degree) and yet did not sin." I choose the latter.
Thank You, Jesus. You have used this to show me that one more idol I have is how people view me. Thank You that I know how you view me. I am Yours and nothing in this world can snatch me from your hand. In You there is freedom and grace that covers all my feelings. You know my heart and You are much bigger than my circumstances. You are the only one worthy of sitting on the throne of my life. Move everything and everyone else aside and take your rightful place. I love you...
Monday, February 7, 2011
Brokenness is painful
The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why you brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I will go through the valley
If You want me to
Now I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise
You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
I will go through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my own
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone
So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to
"If You Want Me To": Ginny Owens
Lord, I feel like I have been walking through that valley. It has been a desert and I have been thirsting, but instead of looking to You I have sought other things, working on the house, getting the next ministry event planned. Anything but sitting at your feet broken.
Being broken is painful. Sitting still is uncomfortable. I do not know how to rest in you. Yet that is where I need to be right now. It might be painful for a moment, but healing can only come after the splinter has been removed.
Shattering the idols of my heart makes me defensive. Using other people's remarks to point out those idols is painful. I have become so complacent with them sitting on my shelves that I no longer see them. I worship them without knowledge and give you the scraps. Shame on me! Then I have the nerve to complain of the blessings I see others have and completely overlook the blessings You have so richly showered upon me. How dare I! My arrogance and pride are like a toy a small child clings to. In doing so it keeps you are arms length. Forgive me...
Thank You, Father, that Your love covers my sins. In You I am forgiven and free. There is no condemnation for me because I am in you. Teach me to walk in assurance of that promise. You have proven, over and over again, that You are trustworthy. Remind me of your promises. Take the idols I have put up and smash them to pieces. Remove the hold they have on me by Your Grace. Deal with me gently, Father. Brokenness is painful. But heading Your voice makes it necessary and the healing that comes afterward is so sweet. Thank You...
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why you brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I will go through the valley
If You want me to
Now I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise
You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
I will go through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my own
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone
So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to
"If You Want Me To": Ginny Owens
Lord, I feel like I have been walking through that valley. It has been a desert and I have been thirsting, but instead of looking to You I have sought other things, working on the house, getting the next ministry event planned. Anything but sitting at your feet broken.
Being broken is painful. Sitting still is uncomfortable. I do not know how to rest in you. Yet that is where I need to be right now. It might be painful for a moment, but healing can only come after the splinter has been removed.
Shattering the idols of my heart makes me defensive. Using other people's remarks to point out those idols is painful. I have become so complacent with them sitting on my shelves that I no longer see them. I worship them without knowledge and give you the scraps. Shame on me! Then I have the nerve to complain of the blessings I see others have and completely overlook the blessings You have so richly showered upon me. How dare I! My arrogance and pride are like a toy a small child clings to. In doing so it keeps you are arms length. Forgive me...
Thank You, Father, that Your love covers my sins. In You I am forgiven and free. There is no condemnation for me because I am in you. Teach me to walk in assurance of that promise. You have proven, over and over again, that You are trustworthy. Remind me of your promises. Take the idols I have put up and smash them to pieces. Remove the hold they have on me by Your Grace. Deal with me gently, Father. Brokenness is painful. But heading Your voice makes it necessary and the healing that comes afterward is so sweet. Thank You...
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Tonight my heart is heavy. My heart hurts for lost dreams, broken hearts and future trials I see coming into the lives of those I love dearly. Broken promises and being too easily satisfied with the what this world has to offer has ripped those I care about in two and all I see is carnage everywhere I look.
I know Lord that you are the beginning and the end. The One who died and is now alive again. I know that you are a great high priest that knows our trials. Tonight I just want to climb up in your lap and be held by my daddy. Daddy, make the pain go away...
I know Lord that you are the beginning and the end. The One who died and is now alive again. I know that you are a great high priest that knows our trials. Tonight I just want to climb up in your lap and be held by my daddy. Daddy, make the pain go away...
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Jesus Brought the Rain & A Revelation
I am sitting on my deck listening to music. Right now it is MercyMe with the song Bring the Rain. For those of you that don't know some of the lyrics are:
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
I have just come through one of "these" time...
And I can say that the Lord used the past week to draw me closer to Him.
I am astonished at my pride and selfishness. I know I shouldn't be. I am utterly depraved apart from Christ. Intellectually I know this, but Jesus held up a mirror and I saw myself for who I really was. I didn't shy away or turn my head. I let Him show me and I didn't like what I saw. In fact it made me sick. Thank you Jesus that I don't have to be that way and live like that.
Monday night we had bible study here. We are doing a study on Mary Magdalene. I think my group had a really great discussion. Well, I am not that sure if it was much of a discussion as me "preaching". I was getting fired up. It was so much fun. We were talking about the fact that no where in the Bible does it say that Mary Magdalene was a prostitute. We know that the Lord delivered her from 7 demons. One of the questions is are you disappointed that she was that "type" of bad girl? Honestly for me, not at all. In fact I like her more! I don't have that type of sin in my past so I have a difficult time relating to those that do. However, I have a been a slave to my sin and to Satan. It was before I came to know Christ. She was literally possessed my evil and Jesus freed her from that. I might not have been possessed my demons, but I have had my little secret sins that have seemed to rule my life and Jesus has set me free from them. I was kind of explaining this to the girls and I was getting really excited and a little giddy.
That is when I feel real joy. When I am telling someone about what Jesus has done for me, when I am telling someone about the difference He has made in my life, THAT is when I am truly living. How can I forget that? Why am I so easily swayed?
** Revelation**
I have come to the conclusion, THAT, for me, is what it means to live a full life.
What type of implications does that mean??? Ha, I have absolutely no idea :)
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
I have just come through one of "these" time...
And I can say that the Lord used the past week to draw me closer to Him.
I am astonished at my pride and selfishness. I know I shouldn't be. I am utterly depraved apart from Christ. Intellectually I know this, but Jesus held up a mirror and I saw myself for who I really was. I didn't shy away or turn my head. I let Him show me and I didn't like what I saw. In fact it made me sick. Thank you Jesus that I don't have to be that way and live like that.
Monday night we had bible study here. We are doing a study on Mary Magdalene. I think my group had a really great discussion. Well, I am not that sure if it was much of a discussion as me "preaching". I was getting fired up. It was so much fun. We were talking about the fact that no where in the Bible does it say that Mary Magdalene was a prostitute. We know that the Lord delivered her from 7 demons. One of the questions is are you disappointed that she was that "type" of bad girl? Honestly for me, not at all. In fact I like her more! I don't have that type of sin in my past so I have a difficult time relating to those that do. However, I have a been a slave to my sin and to Satan. It was before I came to know Christ. She was literally possessed my evil and Jesus freed her from that. I might not have been possessed my demons, but I have had my little secret sins that have seemed to rule my life and Jesus has set me free from them. I was kind of explaining this to the girls and I was getting really excited and a little giddy.
That is when I feel real joy. When I am telling someone about what Jesus has done for me, when I am telling someone about the difference He has made in my life, THAT is when I am truly living. How can I forget that? Why am I so easily swayed?
** Revelation**
I have come to the conclusion, THAT, for me, is what it means to live a full life.
What type of implications does that mean??? Ha, I have absolutely no idea :)
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Tough Day and brutal honesty
I had a blast hanging out with my parents, Ben and Brenda, but it was a tough day.
It started out with Greg giving a great message about Men being real men and stepping up to lead their wife and children. It really was a great message. I highly recommend listening to it if you were unable to. However, the only thing I kept thinking about was the fact that I didn't have a man like that in my life. I know that God's timing is perfect and he isn't "holding out on me" but today my singleness just really came and smashed me on the head. It has been a while since I have struggled like this.
I spent some time just crying out to God and just telling Him my hurts and worries. I know intellectually that He heard me, but sometimes I just wish He would speak audibly.
I was talking with a friend after Greg presented his message and sharing with her how I was really struggling. She asked me what I was going to do with this struggling. I told her, I don't know. Wow, I was brutally honest. Most of the time I would say all of the pat church answers, but I honestly don't know what to do with this. My heart hurts with loneliness. Even in a crowded room I sometimes feel all alone. It isn't anything that anyone does or doesn't do. I just feel like there is something lacking.
Now before you go and start telling me that Jesus is all that I need and no guy/relationship can or will fulfill me. I know and believe all of that. I have lost track of how many times I have counseled people with that. There are just times (a lot lately) that I just really crave companionship. To share goals and dreams with someone and not always have to be the strong one.
There was a song by Santus Real that was used as a video clip and a reprise by the praise team that has been running through my head ever since Thursday. Which was about the time I started really struggling... hmmm interesting. Here are the lyrics to the chorus:
“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?
Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”
It is a great song, but honestly it really sucks for a single girls. That is what I want! I don't believe that is something I shouldn't want. I want strong hands to hold me when I can't stand. Lately I have felt like a broken and bloody traveler along the side of the road. I seem to be getting pummeled from every direction. Beaten up by the depravity of my own sin, taunted by the enemy about my friends getting married and having children while I am still single. Thanks be to God that I am forgiven of my sin and His blood washes me white from it and He is my ever present help in time of need. Still I am unable to feel his arms around me.
I know that God will provide me with whatever I need. There are just times I feel like a fifth wheel. Like tonight as I hung out with my family. We ate out, went bowling then watched a movie to celebrate Father's day. Mom and Dad were walking hand in hand (so precious) and then Ben and Brenda were also walking hand in hand (Praise God for reconciliation). I was bringing up the rear... alone and lonely. I know it could be so much worse and I don't want to complain. I have been blessed SO much by God. I have so much to be thankful for! Yet my heart cries out like David:
Psalm 13
1 How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.
My heart is at the first couple of verses. I am working on getting to those last ones.
Jesus, I hurt. My heart aches and I am collapsed at your feet. I am sorry to be ungrateful, but I believe that you are big enough to take my hurt. I know that you heal broken hearts and that you draw close to those that hurt. I also know that my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways. For yours are much higher than my own. But Lord that intellectually knowledge doesn't put salve on this hurting heart. I need you to make this real. I claim the promise that You will give me peace that surpasses all understanding if I present my request to You. Here they are Lord, laid out for all the world to see. As scary as that is for me you want me to be real and authentic. Draw me close to You Lord and hold me in Your arms. I long for Your peace.
It started out with Greg giving a great message about Men being real men and stepping up to lead their wife and children. It really was a great message. I highly recommend listening to it if you were unable to. However, the only thing I kept thinking about was the fact that I didn't have a man like that in my life. I know that God's timing is perfect and he isn't "holding out on me" but today my singleness just really came and smashed me on the head. It has been a while since I have struggled like this.
I spent some time just crying out to God and just telling Him my hurts and worries. I know intellectually that He heard me, but sometimes I just wish He would speak audibly.
I was talking with a friend after Greg presented his message and sharing with her how I was really struggling. She asked me what I was going to do with this struggling. I told her, I don't know. Wow, I was brutally honest. Most of the time I would say all of the pat church answers, but I honestly don't know what to do with this. My heart hurts with loneliness. Even in a crowded room I sometimes feel all alone. It isn't anything that anyone does or doesn't do. I just feel like there is something lacking.
Now before you go and start telling me that Jesus is all that I need and no guy/relationship can or will fulfill me. I know and believe all of that. I have lost track of how many times I have counseled people with that. There are just times (a lot lately) that I just really crave companionship. To share goals and dreams with someone and not always have to be the strong one.
There was a song by Santus Real that was used as a video clip and a reprise by the praise team that has been running through my head ever since Thursday. Which was about the time I started really struggling... hmmm interesting. Here are the lyrics to the chorus:
“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?
Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”
It is a great song, but honestly it really sucks for a single girls. That is what I want! I don't believe that is something I shouldn't want. I want strong hands to hold me when I can't stand. Lately I have felt like a broken and bloody traveler along the side of the road. I seem to be getting pummeled from every direction. Beaten up by the depravity of my own sin, taunted by the enemy about my friends getting married and having children while I am still single. Thanks be to God that I am forgiven of my sin and His blood washes me white from it and He is my ever present help in time of need. Still I am unable to feel his arms around me.
I know that God will provide me with whatever I need. There are just times I feel like a fifth wheel. Like tonight as I hung out with my family. We ate out, went bowling then watched a movie to celebrate Father's day. Mom and Dad were walking hand in hand (so precious) and then Ben and Brenda were also walking hand in hand (Praise God for reconciliation). I was bringing up the rear... alone and lonely. I know it could be so much worse and I don't want to complain. I have been blessed SO much by God. I have so much to be thankful for! Yet my heart cries out like David:
Psalm 13
1 How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.
My heart is at the first couple of verses. I am working on getting to those last ones.
Jesus, I hurt. My heart aches and I am collapsed at your feet. I am sorry to be ungrateful, but I believe that you are big enough to take my hurt. I know that you heal broken hearts and that you draw close to those that hurt. I also know that my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways. For yours are much higher than my own. But Lord that intellectually knowledge doesn't put salve on this hurting heart. I need you to make this real. I claim the promise that You will give me peace that surpasses all understanding if I present my request to You. Here they are Lord, laid out for all the world to see. As scary as that is for me you want me to be real and authentic. Draw me close to You Lord and hold me in Your arms. I long for Your peace.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Memories and Home
Yesterday my parent's had to put my dog back home down. He was old. To be honest we were surprised he made it though the winter. But as I sit here in my new home it almost feels fitting. Old things die, new things come and change is the only constant. However that isn't the way that it was supposed to be. Some times I just long for heaven. This is one of those mornings.
To not have things die and be gone. For the only thing to be changing is me and how well I know my Savior. Oh, how I long for that day. For the worries of this world to pass away and all things come into focus because I will see Jesus face to face. I will understand what it says in 1 Corinthians 13 when is states, "Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."
I admit I don't understand what that means. I know what it says, but to understand that I am fulling known and live my life with that assurance... To be confident in God's plan that it is what is in fact best for be because I am fully known...
This house that I am sitting in isn't quite a home yet. There are too many boxes around and too many places and things that haven't been cleaned by me. And yet, this is my home. God has graciously given to me. I didn't deserve it. But he had it to be and His hand has been so evident in the entire event. He knew what I wanted better than I did. He knows this is a learning opportunity. What will it take for me to make this home. How can this become a home when I am an alien in this world and all I do is long for my heavenly home... What does this portion of my full life adventure look like?
I don't know, but I rest in the fact that He does and that is good enough for me.
To not have things die and be gone. For the only thing to be changing is me and how well I know my Savior. Oh, how I long for that day. For the worries of this world to pass away and all things come into focus because I will see Jesus face to face. I will understand what it says in 1 Corinthians 13 when is states, "Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."
I admit I don't understand what that means. I know what it says, but to understand that I am fulling known and live my life with that assurance... To be confident in God's plan that it is what is in fact best for be because I am fully known...
This house that I am sitting in isn't quite a home yet. There are too many boxes around and too many places and things that haven't been cleaned by me. And yet, this is my home. God has graciously given to me. I didn't deserve it. But he had it to be and His hand has been so evident in the entire event. He knew what I wanted better than I did. He knows this is a learning opportunity. What will it take for me to make this home. How can this become a home when I am an alien in this world and all I do is long for my heavenly home... What does this portion of my full life adventure look like?
I don't know, but I rest in the fact that He does and that is good enough for me.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Pray, Just Pray... closing day
I was killing time in Kohl’s as I was waiting to sign paperwork for my new house. I admit it I was stressing and not really paying much attention. All of the sudden I heard this song on their PA system. Now usually I don’t pay much attention to the canned music that is in stores. I worked at Sears for too many years to really have much appreciation for the Musak that is going on. However the words struck me on this song. I had never heard it before. It was something like:
Pray, just pray. Take the weight off your shoulders and put it on me…
I will have to look up that song when I get home.
It really struck me. I hadn’t been seeking His face as everything is in the process of being wrapped up with this gift He has provided for me. I was so caught up in the details that I forgot the author of this entire event. How arrogant of me.
Lord, thank you that you are an awesome God who loves me more than I deserve. You have blessed me with amazing family and friends. They pitch in with so little asking and give some much of themselves. You have provided this house. I pray that I am able to remember it as a monument to the blessings that you so freely give. I have such a skewed view of your character. Forgive me for my pride in thinking that I have You all “figured out”. Your character is so much more than I give You credit for. I put you in a box that makes me comfortable and You are not confined to a box and you are not a comfortable God. You are an all consuming fire, a Jealous God that wants all of me. Yet, I am so unwilling to let you have even a portion. Thank you for all that you have done on my behalf and make me a grateful woman that desires you!
OK, so I got home and looked up the song. It isn’t “Pray, just Pray” It was Breath by Ryan Star. I totally got the words wrong by listening, but that even makes it so much funnier ☺ and totally God.
Pray, just pray. Take the weight off your shoulders and put it on me…
I will have to look up that song when I get home.
It really struck me. I hadn’t been seeking His face as everything is in the process of being wrapped up with this gift He has provided for me. I was so caught up in the details that I forgot the author of this entire event. How arrogant of me.
Lord, thank you that you are an awesome God who loves me more than I deserve. You have blessed me with amazing family and friends. They pitch in with so little asking and give some much of themselves. You have provided this house. I pray that I am able to remember it as a monument to the blessings that you so freely give. I have such a skewed view of your character. Forgive me for my pride in thinking that I have You all “figured out”. Your character is so much more than I give You credit for. I put you in a box that makes me comfortable and You are not confined to a box and you are not a comfortable God. You are an all consuming fire, a Jealous God that wants all of me. Yet, I am so unwilling to let you have even a portion. Thank you for all that you have done on my behalf and make me a grateful woman that desires you!
OK, so I got home and looked up the song. It isn’t “Pray, just Pray” It was Breath by Ryan Star. I totally got the words wrong by listening, but that even makes it so much funnier ☺ and totally God.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Long Day
Ever have a day when it seems like it takes forever? Today was one of those days. I was/am so stressed about this move that I was in a really bad mood all day. It was like if anyone got in my way I was going to take their head off. Not a good place to be. So I came home, fixed some food and spent some time in the Word.
For Mug n' a Muffin bible study we are working on the names of God. This is the last week and I finished the prep work for it tonight. We are looking at God is my Banner and El Shaddi (God Almighty). Looking at these attributes reminded me that my momentary stress is nothing to get worked up about. God has been so evident in me getting this house. Why do I doubt that He would see it through to the end? Even if for some reason this was not to be then His plan would be better than mine. I really do believe that, but sometimes I need to remind myself.
Psalm 91
1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."
Lord, I want to trust. I want to rest in You, even when this world is pulling me in so many directions. I want to believe, please help my unbelief.
For Mug n' a Muffin bible study we are working on the names of God. This is the last week and I finished the prep work for it tonight. We are looking at God is my Banner and El Shaddi (God Almighty). Looking at these attributes reminded me that my momentary stress is nothing to get worked up about. God has been so evident in me getting this house. Why do I doubt that He would see it through to the end? Even if for some reason this was not to be then His plan would be better than mine. I really do believe that, but sometimes I need to remind myself.
Psalm 91
1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."
Lord, I want to trust. I want to rest in You, even when this world is pulling me in so many directions. I want to believe, please help my unbelief.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Sunday nights are always one of my favorite times of the week. It is a time to get together with my faith family. God has really been showing me lately that even though I am single I have a family. It is made up of more than just my mom and dad, Ben and Brenda. I have a group of beloved aunts, uncles and cousins. Those aunts, uncles and cousins do not share any portion of my DNA, but we share something much more important. We share blood. Namely the Blood of Christ. I feel closer to this family than to my own sometimes.
I can share things that God is teaching me and they can share encouragement that I know will be backed up with a scriptural background. They have been pursuing His face that week so that when I have a request or question I know that I can feel secure in the answer. That doesn't mean that I can not continue to compare it scripture, but at least I know that scripture is something that probably has gone through their head before it comes out of their mouth.
Which leads me to the sermon this morning. Brooks said a couple of things that really go me this morning. Here are the quotes I wrote down (of course paraphrased)
How is it that we know that the internet (the information superhighway) is full of garbage and yet assume that the cosmic, spiritual realm is not full of garbage?
Supernatural does not equal divine.
Both of these sayings made me think a lot about Ben and Brenda. They are blinded to the Truth with their new age "stuff"! I have forgotten about that for so long. I have not been faithful about interceding for them. Since a little bit of reconciliation has been occurring with my family I have lost the passion to pray for them that I once had. There was a time that I would burst into tears when thinking about them. I have become so hardened against them. Thank you, Lord, that You love them so much more than I do. Please draw them to You and show up in their lives in ways that cannot be explained away. I know that no one comes to You unless you have drawn them and I also know that You desire that none should perish. Lord, move! Woo them to you and put a fire in their hearts that cannot be quenched except by You. For that matter, put a fire in me that cannot be quenched by anything but You!
I know I posted it earlier this week, but make this the prayer of my heart.
Psalm 27:4
One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.
I can share things that God is teaching me and they can share encouragement that I know will be backed up with a scriptural background. They have been pursuing His face that week so that when I have a request or question I know that I can feel secure in the answer. That doesn't mean that I can not continue to compare it scripture, but at least I know that scripture is something that probably has gone through their head before it comes out of their mouth.
Which leads me to the sermon this morning. Brooks said a couple of things that really go me this morning. Here are the quotes I wrote down (of course paraphrased)
How is it that we know that the internet (the information superhighway) is full of garbage and yet assume that the cosmic, spiritual realm is not full of garbage?
Supernatural does not equal divine.
Both of these sayings made me think a lot about Ben and Brenda. They are blinded to the Truth with their new age "stuff"! I have forgotten about that for so long. I have not been faithful about interceding for them. Since a little bit of reconciliation has been occurring with my family I have lost the passion to pray for them that I once had. There was a time that I would burst into tears when thinking about them. I have become so hardened against them. Thank you, Lord, that You love them so much more than I do. Please draw them to You and show up in their lives in ways that cannot be explained away. I know that no one comes to You unless you have drawn them and I also know that You desire that none should perish. Lord, move! Woo them to you and put a fire in their hearts that cannot be quenched except by You. For that matter, put a fire in me that cannot be quenched by anything but You!
I know I posted it earlier this week, but make this the prayer of my heart.
Psalm 27:4
One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Thursday of Thanksgiving
God has let the encouragement from the body of Christ roll this week.
I have received a couple of thank you cards in the mail in the past couple of days. Snail Mail! Gotta love it. They have been really encouraging. And both were about the woman's conference. Diane sent me one and she didn't even go to the conference. I had shared at our Faith Family about how I was just feeling under attack since sharing my testimony. Satan has really just been hitting me saying that I shared too much and that people are going to look at me differently. I received a card saying that she was sure that I had been used at the conference and just very kindly reminding me it wasn't about what others thought but what God thought of what I had shared.
Later this week I got a message from Facebook from Deb. She thanked me for being honest in my testimony and told me it was funny because she already saw me as a "beautiful woman of God even before the conference" Her message came to my inbox at work in two messages. The second part that started with funny came first before the previous letter. Here I am sitting at my desk at work reading my email with tears streaming down my face! Goodness!
The last thing was a letter I received today from Amy and her mom Laura. I have a lot of respect for this family. They are an amazing family of God and that is very evident in the family dynamics and just their interactions with everyone. Both Amy and Laura had portions of the card they wrote. Again I was thanked for being vulnerable and honest. It must really be counter-cultural to be transparent with people, because that seems to be the thing I am thanked for the most. Why are we so afraid to let people see the real us? It was hard to share my testimony but at the same time freeing! This who I am. A sinner saved by grace and very messed up in a lot of ways, but a work in progress with Jesus as my author. Maybe I will post my testimony... The only thing then is that it will be out there for the whole world to see... I guess I am not as transparent as I try to make out I am.
Thank you Jesus that my identity is in You and You alone. Thank you that there is nothing good in me apart from You. That takes a lot if the pressure off of me. I need to live according to you and you will do mighty works in and through me. Make me willing to be used by you.
I have received a couple of thank you cards in the mail in the past couple of days. Snail Mail! Gotta love it. They have been really encouraging. And both were about the woman's conference. Diane sent me one and she didn't even go to the conference. I had shared at our Faith Family about how I was just feeling under attack since sharing my testimony. Satan has really just been hitting me saying that I shared too much and that people are going to look at me differently. I received a card saying that she was sure that I had been used at the conference and just very kindly reminding me it wasn't about what others thought but what God thought of what I had shared.
Later this week I got a message from Facebook from Deb. She thanked me for being honest in my testimony and told me it was funny because she already saw me as a "beautiful woman of God even before the conference" Her message came to my inbox at work in two messages. The second part that started with funny came first before the previous letter. Here I am sitting at my desk at work reading my email with tears streaming down my face! Goodness!
The last thing was a letter I received today from Amy and her mom Laura. I have a lot of respect for this family. They are an amazing family of God and that is very evident in the family dynamics and just their interactions with everyone. Both Amy and Laura had portions of the card they wrote. Again I was thanked for being vulnerable and honest. It must really be counter-cultural to be transparent with people, because that seems to be the thing I am thanked for the most. Why are we so afraid to let people see the real us? It was hard to share my testimony but at the same time freeing! This who I am. A sinner saved by grace and very messed up in a lot of ways, but a work in progress with Jesus as my author. Maybe I will post my testimony... The only thing then is that it will be out there for the whole world to see... I guess I am not as transparent as I try to make out I am.
Thank you Jesus that my identity is in You and You alone. Thank you that there is nothing good in me apart from You. That takes a lot if the pressure off of me. I need to live according to you and you will do mighty works in and through me. Make me willing to be used by you.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Psalm 27
This morning I am reading through the Psalms and read 27 and 28. My faith family is reading through a Psalm a day and then discussing it. I went back to 27 because I missed reading it yesterday. These were the two verses that stuck out to me:
4 One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.
14 Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.
The first verse is in an old Beautiful Feet CD and I memorized many moons ago. It always gave comfort and I have used it as a prayer before. The 14th verse I also know. But it is difficult wait.
I feel like I am in a waiting period right now and I am not exactly sure why. Things are going great. I am moving in a couple weeks into a new house. My job is going really well. I finally think I know who God has created me to be, a leader. I just got done with helping plan a great woman's retreat for Grace. Is it because I feel like all of these things are coming to a head and I don't know what the next step is? A friend last night put as her status she is tired of the same 'ol. Is that what my fear is? The same 'ol.
Lord, I don't know what the future holds, but You do. You don't desire for me to live a mundane life. You can transform the most mundane thing like folding laundry in to divine things. Please teach me that. Make the cry of my heart to ask only one thing, to gaze upon the beauty of Your face and to seek you above all else.
4 One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.
14 Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.
The first verse is in an old Beautiful Feet CD and I memorized many moons ago. It always gave comfort and I have used it as a prayer before. The 14th verse I also know. But it is difficult wait.
I feel like I am in a waiting period right now and I am not exactly sure why. Things are going great. I am moving in a couple weeks into a new house. My job is going really well. I finally think I know who God has created me to be, a leader. I just got done with helping plan a great woman's retreat for Grace. Is it because I feel like all of these things are coming to a head and I don't know what the next step is? A friend last night put as her status she is tired of the same 'ol. Is that what my fear is? The same 'ol.
Lord, I don't know what the future holds, but You do. You don't desire for me to live a mundane life. You can transform the most mundane thing like folding laundry in to divine things. Please teach me that. Make the cry of my heart to ask only one thing, to gaze upon the beauty of Your face and to seek you above all else.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
First Attempts
I have no idea what I am doing. However, that has never stopped me before.
I have just recently turned 30 and I have decided to take God at His word. In John 10:10 Jesus says, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
What does a full life look like? What does it mean to have a heart like John the Baptizer and say "He must increase and I must decrease."? I don't really know. All I know is that I have tried to do it my way for 30 years. They have been a great 30 years, but I am tired of the same old boring life. You know the one I am talking about. Get up, get dress, go to work, come home, make supper and go to bed. I want my life to matter. I know the only way for that to occur is if I am letting my Savior Jesus lead that path.
I don't know where this experiment will take me. I don't know what He has planned. What I do know is that His word is true and it is about time I take Him at His word.
So here we go, Lord. You are the author and main character in this play called life. Teach me to be a supporting cast member that You have decided to use. Prepare me as the curtain is about to go up.
I have just recently turned 30 and I have decided to take God at His word. In John 10:10 Jesus says, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
What does a full life look like? What does it mean to have a heart like John the Baptizer and say "He must increase and I must decrease."? I don't really know. All I know is that I have tried to do it my way for 30 years. They have been a great 30 years, but I am tired of the same old boring life. You know the one I am talking about. Get up, get dress, go to work, come home, make supper and go to bed. I want my life to matter. I know the only way for that to occur is if I am letting my Savior Jesus lead that path.
I don't know where this experiment will take me. I don't know what He has planned. What I do know is that His word is true and it is about time I take Him at His word.
So here we go, Lord. You are the author and main character in this play called life. Teach me to be a supporting cast member that You have decided to use. Prepare me as the curtain is about to go up.
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